PAGE EIGHT

The Enjoyment of the Soakedshrooms

Gretel met Glugubrius’s eyes while the goblin watched the goose.

“I think wickedness isn’t greed or cruelty. It’s just… surviving”

Gretel sat up to object with zeal.

“Wickedness isn’t about survival. It’s about what you do after you’ve survived — how you protect what’s left. How you don’t let anyone take it from you again.”

“Ith it how you thurvive that ith wickedneth?”

The goblin noticed the goose step away from Glugubrius.

“I don’t… I don’t think that sounds… wait… what are you saying?” Glugubrius didn’t quite catch what Gretel was saying and Thive’s question only confused the topic more.

The goblin looked compassionately at the goose. “Aw you’re hungry. And if those fucking pig faces at the monastery and Glugubrius here can be generous—then I can too.” The goose seems to be sniffing at the mushrooms. The goblin took one of those hydrofluoric soakedshrooms out of the bag, and handed it to the goose. “Here girl. Have a soakedshroom, they have a really interesting flavour—I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Glugubrius regained his composure and thought of an argument against Gretel, “I do stuff for myself. All the time. Buy what I want, when I’ve got the gold. I ain’t starving.” To which Gretel retorts, “Yes. And yet, you spend your mushroom money feeding strangers.”

Glugubrius considered his rebuttal, “Even if I don’t feed nobody for days, the gold still goes. I don’t got a vault — I got a basket. I fill it. I empty it. That’s it. It’s either full or empty. And if it’s full and someone needs help. I’m not gonna miss the chance to be the hero so I can zonk out more often.”

Gretel erupted and began scolding him, “You stop it. You stop lighting yourself on fire to keep others warm! You stop it! You stop it!” Glugubrius continued, “But when it’s in secret I’ll spend purely on myself. And I think if you’re cheap when people are watching then-“

Thlothus attempted to interrupt, “Hey, Glugubrius… “

“Hold on, Thlothus. I need to make this clear to Gretel.” Glugubrius said.

“Glugubrius, buddy, something terrible seems to have happened.”

“Thlothus, please. Gretel, what if a kid copies me? I need to be a good example.”

“Glugubrius, your gooth ith cooked.” Thive announced. 

“What?” Glugubrius was in disbelief as the words started to sink in.