The Quest for the Golden Egg
“How do you know when gooth ith about to lay an egg?” Thive asked.
Glugubrius smiled, looked to the goose, then back at Thive and say, “She always nestled up between my feet. If I’m moving she’ll fly up to my shoulder and honk in my ear socket to get me to stand still.”
“Derivative.” the goblin snarked. Grizzle started counting. Thive looked at Glugubrius attentively. Thlothus said, “So has she shown any signs?” Grizzle leaves.
Glugubrius answered, “Yes, she’s very excited. Which means she’ll get sleepy, and hungry, maybe a little snappy, not in that order but those are the general signs that come after excitement. This is the longest she’s been in this stage all season.”
Purple smoke started coming from the trees. There was indiscernible gibberish chanting — the tone crescendoed. Grizzle burst through the smoke carrying Gretel on a pedestal.
Goblidigo and the Glimwog lept out and started cheering. “Gretelstiltskin! Gretelstiltskin! Long may she brew!” Goblidigo shouted. “Bowshaow dowLAW! Fwoo fwah fwoo!” Glimwog sang.
Gretel had two bags in either hand — full of soakedshrooms.
As Goblidigo and Glimwog chanted, Gretel announced, “Gretelstiltskin with the double batch. Boom baby!”
Gretel looked around as Grizzle laid her pedestal down. Gretel stared at the goose, and squinted her eyes. “This goose hasn’t laid its egg yet has it?” She said. Glugubrius answered her, “No she has not.”
Gretel steps down and gives the bags of soakedshrooms to Thlothus.
“Great! I have papers just for this—honestly the most secure option. Here, Glugubrius, I’ll need you to sign this document with Globdigoop. Afterwards you can dig in.” She motions Goblidigo to bring papers.
“Yup! One golden egg for a double batch — very generous deal indeed — thank you Gretelstiltskin!” Glugubrius rubbed his hands together in anticipation.
Thlothus smiled and showed off the two bags of soakedshrooms as to entice Glugubrius.
Goblidigo unscrolls a very long piece of paper, “Initial here for egg forfeiture, here for soakedshroom indemnity, this one’s just a blanket indemnity clause, and here to waive metaphysical liability. Also, I’ll need you to swear this affidavit confirming you have no outstanding curses, blood debts, or child support orders currently registered against you. It’s all boilerplate, nothing’s changed since last week—save for some new legislation from Tzvakdush on Tuesday. Just this bottom line here: in the event of any dispute arising from this transaction, the Sacred Army reserves the right to total seizure of assets and property, at the discretion of Tzvakdush or any judge or arbitrator he appoints.”
ACT I — THE GOBLIN 